"There was a longitudinal study on the most cost-effective way to create peace across space and time. The Multi-Dimensional Marketing Coalition found the strongest inverse correlation between duration of battles and proximity of bars to the battlefield."
"The multiverse has had very few wars ever since they located the Improbability Bar closer to Intergalactic battles. It turns out, almost everyone likes to drink more than they like to die."
Tip Nick sounded extremely confident that when they came to the battlefield it would not be a blood bath. But since Tip Nick and she had such different definitions of interesting, doors, and manners, she had feared the worst.
When they entered she found all manner of creatures both usual and highly unlikely engaged in head to head battle.
But Tip Nick was right, that this did seem to be a ferocious drinking battle.
"Besides, due to special relativity, by the time they get back to their planets, like as not the war they were sent to fight will be half forgotten."
"Do they know that? Why go on with the charade of battle at all then?"
"The worst thing you can do to someone prepared for battle is to tell them the battle they are fighting is meaningless. No, the smart ones know this and keep coming up with excuses why they delay, and the dumb ones can be easily convinced to wait. And so, the secret game of Impediment was born."